Feed Relationships, Not Algorithms
Everything you need for success comes down to "doing Thanksgiving" every day
Note to Self: Over the holidays, you’ll have a better impact on your success than the previous 11 months trying to fool the algorithms. A few days of in-person networking, phone conversations, and text chats will outperform a whole year of trying to buy, fool, or convince YouTube, Instagram, TikTok, or Facebook into making you famous, important, visible, or viral.
Now imagine what kind of growth you could achieve if you did that simple stuff every day?
Let me tell you a story.
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When the Years Don’t Matter
Who did you catch up with this holiday, that you hadn’t seen or talked to in years?
It’s common, I’m sure, to use holiday downtime to reconnect with old schoolmates, friends from the town where you grew up, or colleagues stuck in the dungeon of your database. All it takes is a text or an invite to cocktails, and before you know it, you’re talking as if the miles and years never passed.
That’s what social networking is truly about.
Nostalgia creates opportunities
So why don’t we make time for nostalgia in between holidays?
Perhaps it’s because we’ve been sold the idea of pleasing the algorithm on the other side of the screen, rather than pleasing the people on the same side of our success.
And yet, the direct contact continues to outperform almost every marketing channel I know.
Informally, I have purchased two times as many things in the last week from emails for Black Friday, as from Facebook’s advertising suggestions. And Hubspot, Statista and other marketing researchers consistently put email marketing at 3X-4X higher in ROI than social media, direct mail, and paid search.
Yet every training class, blog, and secret-hack-video on the ‘Gram tells you that going viral is still the thing.
Your Thanksgiving dinner begs to differ
Last week, I received an email asking to chat on Wednesday (the day before Thanksgiving) about an upcoming event. Rather than marvel at the day, I shook my head at who was asking for it. The sender is a very former client: We haven’t worked together for more than fifteen years. To be honest, I’d lost track of her after I moved across the country and didn’t see her in person so much.
But let me back up a step.
The week before Thanksgiving, as I texted holiday best wishes to people I chat with frequently, I stumbled across her number in my phone. According to iMessage, we had never texted. Facebook says we haven’t interacted since 2016 (when I lamely sent an auto-populated birthday greeting). She isn’t in my CRM receiving weekly marketing, either.
Well, I did the nostalgia thing and texted her “best wishes for Thanksgiving,” hoping it was still her phone number. “Let’s catch up sometime; it’s been a long time! Grateful for our friendship.” I added, in case she thought I was one of those text scammers. Amazingly, she responded, “Same to you! I’ll reach out!” Not bad, I thought; at least I didn’t text a stranger, and maybe she still considered me a friend.
Now she was smiling at me across a Zoom call, inviting me to speak at her event.
How did that happen?
‘Twas the Day Before Turkey
That Wednesday, it was like catching up with an old friend at Thanksgiving dinner. After we updated each other on the years passed, I had to ask:
“So what made you think of me for this event? We haven’t talked for a long time, and I really didn’t keep up with you,” I admitted.
“Oh, I read your newsletter every week,” she said without hesitating. I blinked slowly into the camera. “You won’t recognize my email, because it’s not my work address.”
“So I’ve been in your inbox all this time?”
“Yes,” she said, “I don’t really do Facebook, and you don’t show up at all on LinkedIn.”
Does anyone show up on LinkedIn? I wanted to say, but thought better of it.
“I’m glad I sent that text,” I said. “I almost didn’t. I wasn’t sure you would remember or care to catch up.”
“Well, that’s the thing about the holidays, isn’t it?” How right she was! Relationships aren’t the same as “likes and followers” on social media. They don’t need to be entertained or fed every day, if they’re built on something valuable … like the years we’d collaborated before and (I humbly submit) the value of my weekly notes, ever since.
Forget the Algorithm
Now imagine if you could carry this “spirit of Thanksgiving nostalgia” into your marketing tomorrow, and the day after, and every day of the year.
What would it mean if you took a few minutes (made a few minutes, actually) and texted or called one person you say is meaningful to you, but you consistently don’t make time to even wish a good day? The algorithms in all your other channels would become irrelevant - or would simply matter a lot less, perhaps as “cherry on top” elements of your growth strategy, rather than desperately hoping you’re chosen by their unknowable formulas to be the next viral sensation.
Your destiny would be in your direct control again.
No algorithm impedes direct emails or texts or calls or zooms or an in-person lunch.
Isn’t it exciting to realize that you are *that close* to being as successful as you want to be, every day!
Nostalgia not Marketing
You can be free of the algorithms, which will drop you faster than a hot potato (do we still say that? ), the moment they think it’s been too long since you fed them. Or the next time some spreadsheet-gnome decides to alter their algorithm to demand more advertising dollars from you. Enough already. This isn’t a very grateful way to do business, and it’s not the way I want to grow (nor should you).
The right relationships aren’t so fragile; nor should they be, whether days, weeks, or decades go by.
“I look forward to working with you again,” I said as we wrapped up the call. “It will be just like old times.”
“It will be even better,” she said. “I’ve been watching you.”
Isn’t that the truth, I thought gratefully.
—M
