Why Things Aren't As Bad as you Think

We aren't as divided as you might believe

If you’re not careful, you might believe we’re more divided than ever, at home, at work, and across the nation. Except it’s simply not true, and you don’t need a poll to tell you that, either. Just lower your screens, and talk to your neighbor. Let me tell you a story.

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Good Texts Make Good Neighbors

This weekend, we got an alarming text from our neighbor. Just as we heard police cars race down our street, sirens blaring, our phones beeped. “The family across the way can’t find their son. Keep your eyes open,” texted our next-door neighbor. She heard it directly from the police who were already canvassing the neighborhood. Apparently, the young man, in his early teens, has autism and wandered from the backyard. She texted us his description.

“Grab the keys,” I said to my wife. “Let’s go drive around and see if we spot him.”

We’d never met him. Or his family. We didn’t even know a teen lived there, it’s so quiet around here. All we knew was —

A neighbor was in trouble.

Stop Expecting Division

These days, it is too easy to focus on what divides us rather than connects us. Ironic, in an age of “networks” — models based upon connecting and empowering. For all the interconnectedness of our times — cars to satellites, travel to remote parts of the world, even tools that order their own parts — the one thing that seems to be more divided than ever is us.

Except that it’s really not true.

In fact, it’s even hard to find it in the data (a good read on this is Enlightenment Now, by Stephen Pinker). The world is significantly better off than almost any time in history.

Unless you desperately want to focus on what’s wrong. Seeing what separates us isn’t difficult. But it is also not normal. Most people seek to get along rather than get into a fight. Even the neuroscience that says our brains are programmed to seek differences and danger usually forgets to mention the key context for that information:

We don’t live on the Serengeti any longer.

We need a mental recombobulation area, nowadays. © 2018 Matthew Ferrara

Time to Recombobulate our Sense of Life

In the modern world, we use reason as much as emotion. We’re neither emotionless robots nor mindless brutes. We’re capable of using reason and emotion to create good outcomes for everyone. Most importantly —

We have evolved beyond the zero-sum game.

In fact, we celebrate differences and leverage them as sources of strength.

If you’re thinking, but we also see things that separate us, divide us, polarize us, you’re correct. We do. And often for the better (such as the difference between honesty and gaslighting, justice and criminal, honorable and horrible). Of the things that separate us, we must be on the lookout for the important ones.

As for the things that separate for the worse, are they the norm? Spend a week away from people who make a living emphasizing divisions and you can answer that for yourself.

Remember the Pandemic?

When things became insanely tough, the typical reaction of most people was to connect, not divide. For every person who fostered division and chaos, millions of others extended a hand — across the fence, street, aisle — to make things better.

In the worst of times, we just as easily come together than push apart.

Now consider everyday challenges — breaking a leg, losing a job, or having your career upended by an unjust lawsuit. What do you see then?

Plenty of addition.

In the last year, our industry has been a perfect test case. Brokers supporting colleagues by volunteering at their Associations. Managers inviting competitors to meetings and trainings. Thought-leaders hosting webinars, open to all. A vast effort to spread support to anyone who needs it, even amongst bitter rivals.

It’s been a year of natural, normal recombobulation for us all.

Believe it, and Don’t

So don’t believe the divisive tropes. They make headlines, sell ads, but ultimately fall flat.

For every person who leaves the industry, another will join.
For every broker who closes their business, another will expand.
For every leader who leaves the stage, another will take their place.

And you better believe it, brother!

The world has recombobulated its sense of life. Addition is our better nature and best choice for our business. Every listing, sale, closing and more adds to more lives than takes away.

After all, it’s our job to build neighborhoods.

PS: The young man was found just fine

Later that afternoon, we stopped at the community guardhouse. “Have they found the young man?” I asked. “We’ve been driving around looking for him.”

“That was awfully nice of you,” said the officer. “We found him a short while ago. He’s fine. I’m sorry the boy’s parents didn’t tell you.”

“Oh, that’s a relief,” I said. “They probably didn’t think of it. And actually, we don’t know them personally.”

“But you went looking for their kid?” asked the guard.

“Of course,” I said. “They’re still our neighbors.”

— 🄼

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Want to reconfigure your mindset towards making more connections? Then keep reading. 👇

I’ve collected my favorite techniques for adding to the lives of people I meet — sometimes complete strangers. Add these ten essential skills to your mindset to become a multiplier in no time!

1. Be Genuinely Interested: Show others they matter by taking time to discover what’s important to them — and what you have in common. Express your intentions to support their goals, making their success your “business” whether or not it means “doing business” together.

2. Listen Carefully: Pay attention to others by asking intentional questions. Find connections to your own thoughts and ideas. Focus on how they are similar, and emphasize their commonalities without needing to correct everything they say.